


Darkest Before the Dawn

by vulcanluver



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Assault, Barba Whump, Eventual Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Protective Barba, Protective Carisi, Rape, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-07-29 20:42:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16271975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanluver/pseuds/vulcanluver
Summary: Being the toughest DA in Manhattan made you some enemies, Rafael Barba always knew that. Unfortunately knowing that still couldn't prepare him for what happens when he and Carisi are swept up in a whirlwind nightmare fueled by a revenge seeking madman.





	1. Chapter 1

Barba didn’t bother looking up when his office door opened, too deep in his reading. Carmen knew better than to let anyone not previously approved into his office today and anyone previously approved was well versed in how he was when he was busy, he had to finish preparing for this case. “Whatever you want it can wait, or someone can do it. If you have coffee leave it there.” he pointed at the last clear corner on his desk

 

An unfamiliar voice chuckled, “Oh I can assure you Mr. Barba this cannot wait.”

 

Rafael did look up at that, four large white well dressed men stood at his desk. The one who had spoke, a markedly handsome blonde man who wouldn’t look out of place in a hollister ad, was standing front and center and almost languidly aiming a gun at him smiled sharply. Rafael, stamping down the sick feeling of panic that clawed at the back of his throat and ignoring the way the bottom of his stomach gave out at seeing that barrel pointed at his forehead, narrowed his eyes and scoffed. “You cannot possibly think whatever you have planned is going to work. Do you know how many cops are crawling around the building right now?”

 

The man shrugged. “What I know is that we passed two school field trips on our way to your office. There is the sweetest little old lady custodian cleaning out the bathroom across the hall. And your little assistant is sure to be back at her desk by now. I’m just here to send a message, you can decide what percentage of that message is written in their blood.”

 

Barba closed the file he’d been reading and slowly, deliberately, placed it down on his desk. Feigning nonchalance he leaned back in his chair. “So what exactly is your message? Am I prosecuting a case of yours? Of a friend family? Are you here on behalf of someone I sent to jail? Because whatever this is is just going to ensure you’re going to see a whole lot more of them real soon.”

 

The man holding the gun didn’t have to feign his nonchalance as he huffed a laugh and gestured to the door. “Right now you are going to come with us Mr. Barba. Or-“ the dark haired man on his left casually shifted, and oh how Rafael hated how calm these bastards were, moving his jacket out of the way to show a small machine gun strapped to his side. “we start shooting.”

 

“You start shooting, you won’t leave this building alive.”

 

“Neither will you, and every single collateral victim is going to be on you. We’re prepared for that. Are you?” 

 

Rafael took a deep breath and stood nodding. “Well then gentlemen. I assume that we have somewhere to be.” He walked around his desk while buttoning his jacket to stand in front of the men.

 

“Good choice Mr. Barba.” The blonde man tucked the gun away and stood close to Rafael’s side, placing a firm hand on his elbow, “But first…” with his free hand he reached into Rafael’s front pant pocket and pulled out Rafael’s cell. Rafael struggled to keep still and not visibly react to the intrusion but from the way the man smirked he might not have been fully successful at keeping his hatred for what was happening off of his face. The man placed it on top of the files Rafael had been reading “Lets leave this right here.” He started to steer Barba towards the door. “Come up with a good story for your secretary about why you’ll be out all day, you have ten seconds.”

 

The dark haired man led the way towards the door, the other two men taking up the rear behind Rafael and the blond. Rafael felt his mouth go dry. Once he left his office god knows what was going to happen. He knew it wasn’t going to be good. Everything inside him rebelled on letting these assholes just walk him out of the building without putting up a fight. But if he did… they had the power to put a thousand pieces of lead per minute into Carmen, into anyone who happened to be in the way. It was likely he was following these men to his death, he didn’t need to bring anyone else with him. Wresting his arm from the other’s grasp he strode forward confidently, moving around the dark haired man as he opened the door like he’d been holding it open as a courtesy to the councilor.

 

“Carmen, clear my schedule for the afternoon. I’ll be out for the rest of the day. Family emergency.”

 

Carmen looked at her boss, frowning at the four men who followed him, she had not let them in though it was possible they slipped in while she had ducked out five minutes ago to use the restroom. “But Carisi is on his way with some more notes on the Hendericks case.”

 

“Great. He can leave them on my desk.” Rafael started to walk through the antechamber, desperate to put distance between the dangerous men and the one person who knew him better than he knew himself.

 

“You want me to just let someone into your office while you are gone?”

 

“Well it’s not just someone, it’s Carisi. And he’s just leaving a file. And I assumed you’d supervise him. The potential for disaster is minimal, even taking into account it’s Carisi.” Rafael opened the door to the hallway and just narrowly avoided crashing into the aforementioned detective. “Speak of the devil.”

 

“Counselor I have some notes to go over with you.”

 

“So I heard. But I can’t right now. Family emergency. Leave them on my desk. I am heading out for the day.” He glanced back at the men following him, taking a small note of satisfaction that their blasé affect seemed a little more strained.

 

“Is everything alright?” Sonny also looked at the group behind Rafael, no doubt noting the distinct lack of family resemblance. “This is your family counselor?”

 

“Cousin Ernesto,” Rafael gestured to the dark haired man who had the closest possible resemblance,“and his husband.” He nodded towards the blonde, again taking a small bit of joy in the way the other man’s eyes narrowed and mouth tightened. He was pushing his luck but he was on his way to die damnit. “And some family friends. Aunt Linda took a nasty fall, she’s in the hospital. We’re not sure she’s going to wake up. Have to go pay our respects.”

 

“Oh I’m so sorry to hear that.” Sonny responded earnestly, he looked to ‘Cousin Ernesto’. “Your mother?”

 

“Yes.” The man responded flatly but Sonny just nodded in sympathy.

 

“That’s really awful. I’m so sorry.” Sonny looked at the file in his hands and grimaced. “Look counselor, I’ll walk out with you. I really need to give you what we got because we need to get a warrant for tonight.”

 

“Of course” The blonde man said smoothly while walking up, grasping Rafael’s arm again and taking charge of the situation. “In fact, why don’t you ride with us to the hospital. Give him the rundown in the car.”

 

“I can’t intrude like that.” Sonny protested.

 

“Nonsense. I insist. God knows given how much time ol Rafa spends with the SVU squad you’re practically more family than we are. I’m sure Rafa could use the support of a friend right now. Isn’t that right?”

 

Rafael frowned. How long they’d been watching him to know Carisi was part of the SVU squad? Why would they want to bring Carisi along, were they after him too or was Sonny just about to become unfortunate collateral? What exactly was all this about? How was he going to get Sonny out of this? “I’m sure the detective is busy and has other things to do.”

 

“Oh come off it Rafa. You don’t have to be so stoic all the time. It’s no trouble right Detective?”

 

With a barely concealed snarl Rafael ducked away from the arm the blonde man tried to sling across his shoulders and snatched the file from Carisi’s hands “I’ll get your warrant Detective. Don’t worry about that, just go ahead and tell Benson it's on its way.” He started to stomp towards the elevators, the blonde man moving with him and keeping a grip on his arm. Rafael was irritated to see Carisi was following them, trying to offer words of condolences to 'Cousin Ernesto'. He realized the man currently steering him by the arm must have motioned or said something to Carisi to get him to stay with their group. He started to open his mouth to snap at Carisi again, trying to think of anything that would make Carisi take the stairs, leave, be safe, when the blonde squeezed his arm tightly in warning and shook his head minutely. Rafael could hear the babbling of children from one of the school field trips today around the corner, Carmen was still not safe, all these people were not safe and he couldn’t risk pushing more, but if he didn’t Sonny was at risk.

 

The doors to the elevator opened immediately and the group filed in. Rafael looked toward the camera he knew was in the corner of the elevator, maybe he could mouth a warning or something, but with a sinking stomach he realized the light wasn’t on. He looked to the man still holding his arm who smirked at him, disgustingly at ease again. They’d disabled the camera somehow. As the doors slid closed “Cousin Ernesto” pulled out an elevator master key and put it in, pressing the button for the lowest garage level.

 

Sonny frowned at this, finally catching on to how fishy this whole thing was, slowly starting to reach for his gun.

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you detective.” Sonny turned to the blonde man and froze when he saw the man had a pistol pressed against Rafael’s temple. “Just keep your hands up for now.”

 

Sonny complied and “Cousin Ernesto” patted him down, removing his phone, gun and apple watch. “Easy now. What is this about?”

 

“This is about him.” The blonde man pressed the gun harder against Rafael’s head. “But like I told you, he’ll probably need the support of a friend real soon.”

 

“Look, you really haven’t done anything yet. You could still walk away from this right now. But if you remove us from this building like this, i-if you hurt him. I mean kidnapping a police officer and a district attorney, you’ll be looking at some real hard time.”

 

After all what’s a little unlawful imprisonment and intimidation amongst friends Rafael thought bitterly but wisely kept those thoughts to himself, hoping against hope that maybe Carisi’s words would maybe get them out of this but knowing better deep down. He tried not to think about the cold metal being pressed agains his head. He couldn’t look at Carisi, he’d been prepared to go to his death in order to save everyone in the building, he was not prepared to get Sonny killed along with him.

 

The elevator doors opened and the blonde man steered Rafael towards a black Ford Expedition.One of the men who had remained silent the whole time had a grip on Carisi. ‘Cousin Ernesto’ and the other man went to the trunk, getting out a bottle of clear liquid that they splashed liberally on some rags. As they approached with those rags, Rafael and Carisi,both realizing this could be their last chance, began to struggle in earnest to break free. They were unsuccessful before the rags were pressed against their faces, covering their nose and mouth.

 

Quickly falling to the chemicals Rafael locked eyes with Carisi and hoped he managed to convey how sorry he was Carisi was caught up in this, how much he was going to try and protect and save Carisi, though he knew he probably was just broadcasting his blind fear.

 

Finally everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

In the past ten years Carmen had become an expert in all things Rafael Barba. When he came bursting out of his office demanding a clear schedule for a family emergency she was momentarily distracted by the group of men who followed, concerned that someone had slipped past her. But she quickly realized something was off. Her boss was scared, he was terrified of those men, but he was leaving with with them. They must be threatening him, no- she remembered how Barba handed Herdido his home address when he had threatened him, they were threatening someone else. He wasn’t making eye contact, they had threatened her.

She worked around cops long enough to recognize when someone was packing heat, raising a fuss now would likely only result in getting her and Rafael shot. She knew Carisi was on his way up the stairs, maybe his presence would scare them off or he’d realize something was off and would able to stop them, she just had to keep her boss here for a little bit longer. “But Carisi is on his way with some more notes on the Hendericks case.”

“Great. He can leave them on my desk.” He was still moving to leave, and honestly did he really think she didn’t realize that these men were in the process of kidnapping him?

“You want me to just let someone into your office while you are gone?” She pressed, trying to give him a sign that she knew by teasing him about one of the sacrosanct rules about his office, no one was allowed in when he wasn’t there,.

“Well it’s not just someone, it’s Carisi. And he’s just leaving a file. And I assumed you’d supervise him. The potential for disaster is minimal, even taking into account it’s Carisi.” She barely contained a sigh of relief when he opened the door and Carisi was on the other side.

Quickly though Carmen wished that it had been Olivia delivering the notes instead as she watched Carisi buy the story about Aunt Linda. Carisi was a good detective, and Carmen appreciated how much he cared for her boss because apparently Carisi’s cared with food, and him bringing regular healthy meals for Barba during times of high stress made her life easier. But he was too nice and the stars in his eyes for Barba shone a little to bright sometimes for him to always catch the little details one would need catch to see everything Barba wasn’t saying. All he heard was someone in Rafael’s life was in trouble, of course he wasn’t going to question anything else about it, and everything that seemed slightly off off would be easily explained away as grief or stress. 

She didn’t know how to stop Carisi from going along with them like the lead kidnapper suggested, and she wasn’t positive she should. He would keep Barba safe as best that he could.

As soon as the last man exited the room she grabbed her desk phone and dialed the extension for security.

“There are four armed intruders on the fifth floor headed for the east elevators. They have two hostages, ADA Rafael Barba and Detective Dominick Carisi.”

Receiving instructions to stay where she was and assurances that security would immediately begin a lockdown and send help Carmen hung up to help keep the lines clear and pulled out her cell phone. 

Time to call Benson.

—

Rafael came to slowly. His mouth tasted like cotton, his head pounded angrily and felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. He groaned as he shifted, trying to lift his head up, feebly blinking his eyes open. The room was dark but he could see light streaming around the edges of a small boarded up window near the ceiling. So he was in a basement. He could make out some shapes in the dimness, stairs on the far side of the room leading up, looked like a cot and a sink in the corner. He shifted, he was in an uncomfortable wooden chair, and felt something bite into his wrists behind him as he did, handcuffs. He heard soft breathing to his right, he turned carefully so as not to aggravate his headache and he was relieved to make out the slumped form of Sonny. It looked like he also had his hands handcuffed behind his chair and he was still out cold.

As the fog cleared out of his head he tried to think who would want him here? Who would go through all this trouble to, as the men in his office had said, ’send a message’? 

At least he knew Carmen had probably alerted security and Benson by now, if she hadn’t picked up on anything else before she would’ve definitely realized something was wrong when he introduced “Cousin Ernesto” and talked about Aunt Linda. She knew Lucia was an only child and that the four horsemen would ride across the skies before he ever did anything for his father’s side of the family.

Sonny started shifting and making little groan noises like he was starting to gain awareness.

“Carisi? Carisi are you awake?” Barba hissed, getting a slightly louder groan in response. He tried to shift close but the chair wouldn’t move, apparently it was nailed to the floor. “Carisi?”

The door at the top of the stairs swung open.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Stuff starts to get bad here. Sexual Assault.

Rafael glared at the two men who came down the stairs, the blonde who had kidnapped him and an older well dressed man, both held large handguns. 

“Oh good, you’re awake.” The blonde man smiled, flicking on the light switch at the bottom of the stairs. Rafael winced as the light aggravated his headache.

“Well we wouldn’t want to miss out on any of the fun.” Rafael snarked back. He could hear Sonny freeze next to him, probably finally reaching enough awareness to realize what was going on. He hoped Carisi had enough wits about him to keep quiet for now. “I don’t suppose you’re finally going to tell us why we’re here?” He glanced around the room now that he could take in more of the details. There were shackles hanging from each corner of the cot. A bucket under the sink. Two padlocked chests. A banged up chest freezer, also padlocked. The walls and floor were made of red brick. Rafael could see tracks that large shelves would’ve been anchored to running across the wall, like this room had once had aspirations of being a wine cellar or something.

“I’m surprised you didn’t realize from Michael,” the old man motioned towards the blonde, “he looks so much like his older brother. My son. You killed my son.”

“I assure you I did no such thing Mr…?”

“Vincent Baratta. My son, Robbie Baratta, it’s your fault he died.” Vincent searched Rafael’s face and grew enraged at the lack of recognition his and his son’s name drew. “You don’t even remember him do you?”

“I didn’t kill your son Vincent.”

“It’s your fault. You sent him to jail. You ruined his life, over nothing. And he was killed in prison.” Vincent snarled, “and you don’t even have the decency to remember him.”

“I’m sorry that your son was in prison and I’m sorry he was killed but-“

Blinding pain seared across his face, Vincent had stuck him. Carisi was shouting something, but Rafael could barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.

“Don’t think pretending to care now will save you. You didn’t care eleven years ago.”

Eleven years ago, eleven years ago…The case finally came back to him, it had been an early one back in Brooklyn. Robert Salvatore Baratta had kidnapped two prostitutes tortured them for over a month before finally killing them, distributing their body parts in dumpsters around Brooklyn. Police were never able to recover all of the pieces of either women’s body nor find where they had been held, but what they did find contained enough evidence for it to be an open and shut case. It was made only slightly more complicated by the fact that Robert’s uncle, Anthony Baratta, was a consigliere for the Lucchese crime family. Rafael’s office received what had felt like token threats from the family, he realized from the general lack of conviction behind the letters that Anthony was disgusted by his nephew’s behavior and was unlikely to follow through, making the threats was just a way to save face and fulfill his family duty.

He never met Vincent, he’d been out of the country at the time, but he could recognize Michael now. Back then he’d been a 14 year old kid with a serious case of hero worship for his older brother. 

The men, the guns, the elevator master key and the camera out in the elevator… Vincent must’ve inherited his brother’s position Rafael realized with a sick feeling. He had the means to keep Rafael and Sonny for as long as he wanted and the resources to make sure their bodies were never found again.

Robert had been easy to convict. He was handsome but was deeply offensive on every other level, chauvinistic and homophobic to an alarming degree. Rafael exploited that, subtly playing up his own flamboyant and dandyish behavior. Robert snapped during the cross examination, screaming homophobic epithets at Rafael, the judge, and the jury. The case was still one of Rafael’s fastest jury deliberations that resulted in a conviction.

“I didn’t not care, but he was guilty. He tortured and killed two women-“

“They were trash! They were NOTHING!” Vincent screamed.

“They were people-“ Rafael’s head snapped back as Vincent struck him again. Carisi cried out in protest. Before Rafael could shoot him a look to shut up, Vincent grabbed his hair and yanked his head back.

“Leave him alone!” Carisi demanded, straining against his bonds. “Let go of him.”

Vincent ignored him. “They were nothing. Less than that. They decided to be outlets for mens’ needs when they became whores and thats exactly what they were used for. Robert was a real man, something a fairy like you could never be.” Vincent yanked back harder and Rafael gritted his teeth against the pain. “Its no wonder you sympathized with those whores. You’re a nothing like them.”

“He’s more of a man you or your son ever was.” Carisi called out. That got Vincent’s attention. Rafael felt a surge of panic as Vincent released his hair and started to move to the detective.

“There were more weren’t there?” Rafael said, halting Vincent’s advance. “There were more than the two women we found. This is where he held them right? Did you help him?” He ignored the sharp look that Carisi was sending him. “Did you teach him how to torture them? Teach him how to treat them like a ‘real’ man would?” he sneered, “did you teach Michael as well?”

Vincent smirked “Oh you’ll find out exactly how much I taught them.” He grabbed Rafael underneath his jaw, forcing his head back. “You know you’re worthless scum. You must hate yourself. Weak.” He squeezed, not cutting anything off but putting enough pressure on Rafael’s airway to make him wheeze a bit, and then released his grip nodding to Michael who went and stood behind Carisi and pressed the barrel of his gun against Sonny’s temple. Rafael stopped breathing, staring at the detective with wide eyes. “You won’t do anything to save yourself because you know you’re not worth it, but you’ll do anything to protect someone else won’t you.” Vincent went behind Rafael’s chair and undid the handcuffs. “The three of us, have been planning this since you sent my son to prison. You were going to be a present for him when we got him out. We watched you for a long time. We realized you certainly like protecting those whores and prostitutes don’t you?”

Rafael rubbed his free wrists but didn’t say anything, still staring at the gun pressed to Carisi’s head. His head throbbed from the blows he’d received. 

“Where are whores best Michael?”

“On their knees.” Michael smiled.

“Get on your knees Mr. Barba or the good detective’s brains are going all over that far wall.”

“Stop” Carisi began thrashing again “Stop, don’t do this. Please. Counselor don’t. Stop.”

“Shut up.” Rafael snapped as he slid from his chair to his knees. “Sonny. Please shut up.”

Carisi stilled at his nickname. The first time Barba had ever used it. “Counselor, Rafael, don’t. You don’t have to do this. Not for- not for-.” He looked to Vincent, “look whatever you want I can do it, just don’t hurt him-“

“Shut up.” Rafael snapped again.

“Sweet.” Vincent snarked as he came back around in front of Rafael and held his gun out. “Suck it.”

Rafael glared. “Excuse me?”

“You make your living being good with your mouth.” Vincent thrust the barrel towards Rafael’s face again. “Show me.”

The brick was rough against his knees through his pants. Rafael closed his eyes, and took the barrel of the revolver into his mouth. Hollowing his cheeks he pulled more of it in and began to bob his head. The gun tasted biter from the gun oil, the sharp edge of the muzzle felt like it was cutting up the roof of his mouth. Vincent allowed him to set his own pace for a minute before threading his fingers through Rafael’s hair and thrusting the gun in deeper than Rafael was prepared for making him gag and sputter. 

“Keep sucking.”

Rafael tried, struggling to not gag as Vincent kept up the more brutal pace. He tried to open up his throat more to accommodate the long barrel. There were tears streaming down his face and he kept his eyes closed. He could feel drool dripping out of his mouth as the assault continued. After a few minutes Vincent began thrusting the barrel in more erratically, like a man about to come. His hair was getting ripped out in Vincent’s tight grip. Rafael screwed his eyes tighter shut, he didn’t want to die like this, this couldn’t be the way it ended. Vincent was thrusting the gun in harder and faster and faster and-

*BANG*


	4. Chapter 4

He felt nothing, could hear nothing but a high pitched ring, see nothing but white. ’So that’s it, this is death.’ Rafael thought.

The ringing got louder and he could hear laughter. Michael. Michael was laughing.

Sensations came flooding back to him and Rafael pitched forward landing on the rough brick hard on his hands, coughing and gagging. Vincent had pulled the gun out at the last second and shot beside his ear, Rafael realized, that’s what the ringing was from. 

“Oh my god he thought he was dead.” Michael was still laughing, “he really thought you shot him.”

Vincent rolled his eyes and kicked Rafael in the side, causing him to collapse and curl up, retching as what little breath he had was forced violently from his body. Vincent nodded towards Carisi, “Uncuff him. Let’s go.”

Carisi, shit, Barba forced himself to uncurl even as he struggled to breath so he could see him. The younger man was staring at him, horrified and unblinking. Michael was still holding the gun to his head but it was the way his hand was lingering on the detective’s chest that caught Rafael’s attention. How he let it slide up to Carisi’s shoulder and down his arm, almost tenderly, as he followed his father’s instruction. Rafael felt a cold creep of dread watching him.

Vincent kicked Rafael again, setting off another round of retching, and spat at him before following his son up the stairs. As soon as they were on the stairs Carisi threw himself out of the chair to get to Barba’s side. He helped him sit up, one hand hovering over the other man’s face, wanting to examine the rapidly swelling red splotches on his face but not sure how well his touch would be received. Rafael reached up and griped his wrist and just held it as he finally started to catch his breath.

“Rafael-“

“Are you ok?” Rafael rasped. He could still taste and feel the gun oil in his mouth and it was mixing with blood from where the gun had cut him. The metal from the barrel. Bile started creeping up his throat.

“What? Whoa hey,” Carisi helped Barba as he suddenly twisted around and started to throw up. He held Rafael up and put a steading hand on his back. “Easy, let it out. That’s it.” He wanted to throw up himself. 

He pulled Rafael back away from the puddle and let him lean against the chair he’d been cuffed to. He took out a handkerchief and started to wipe the side of Rafael’s face where Vincent had spit on him. Rafael twisted his head away but took the kerchief and wiped his mouth off.

“I’m sorry,” Carisi started again, “I’m sorry I didn’t realize earlier.”

Rafael shook his head, winced as that aggravated everything, closed his eyes and leaned back agains the chair. “I’m sorry you were caught up in all of this. They- they said they were going to start shooting everyone they could, there were kids, Carmen.” Rafael hated how weak and creaky his voice sounded, “I didn’t know what t-to do. How to keep you from following.”

“You did what you had to to survive Rafael,” Carisi motioned to his face, “can I check on that?”

Rafael nodded and allowed Carisi to touching his face, checking for anything broken. While there was plenty of swelling but Carisi couldn’t feel anything shift or move that shouldn’t. Barba tolerated the prodding for as long as he could before puling his face away again. “Are you ok? Did Michael do anything?”

“I’m fine, he didn’t do anything to me Rafael, listen, you can’t-“

Barba cut him off, “Carmen will have called security, certainly by now if not immediately after we left. They’ll be looking for us.”

Carisi smiled, happy that Rafael had that hope, “Yeah?”

“Don’t have an Aunt Lydia, or cousins on speaking terms.” Carisi felt sick that he’d fallen for that but tried to keep his reaction from showing on his face, “Told her you were allowed in my office while I was gone. And if nothing else my phone is on my desk.”

“Yeah, that’ll definitely tip her off if the rest didn’t.” Carisi agreed. “Rafael, you did what you had to to keep everyone at 1pp safe but-“

“If I had you wouldn’t be here-“

“But” Carisi pressed on, “don’t antagonize them now. Don’t try to take all the hits. You don’t have to protect me now.”

Rafael shook his head. “If there’s a chance to escape, you have to take it. And you have to be in some shape to be able to do so.”

“No.” Carisi grabbed Barba’s shoulder, “no. Don’t do anything stupid for something like that. We’re going to get out of here, the two of us. They’re looking for us, you just said you knew that.”

“They’re in the mob Carisi.”

“Of course you managed to piss off the mob. Can I check where he kicked you?”

“I’m fine.” Rafael snapped, his hoarse voice cracking “and I’m serious, I have every faith in Liv and the team, but Carisi, they can make us disappear. If you have a chance-“

“I am not going to leave you behind. So lets figure out how to both stay alive until they find us ok? ”

“Don’t be stupid. This is about me. You shouldn’t be here. You weren’t even a cop when this case happened.”

“Look.” Sonny shifted to start to stand up, he nodded towards the sink in the corner. “Neither of us are getting out of here right now. Let’s get you some water, and you can tell me about the case, ok?”

Rafael nodded and accepted the hand up. “Ok.”


	5. Chapter 5

“What do you mean you have nothing?” Olivia Benson demanded.

“The cameras were turned off on this floor, the elevators and the garages.” The head of security for the building Sgt. Wilson, tried to explain, “by the time we were able to mobilize they must’ve already left.”

“How could all those cameras have been out for so long without raising any alarms?”

“It’s a large building and we’ve been updating our systems. There’ve been a lot of outages recently as we try to get everything modernized.”

Olivia struggled to keep from lashing out in frustration. “What about any record of the cars leaving the garage?”

“We have the parking tickets, fifteen cars left around then but that doesn’t give us any information about the cars themselves.” Wilson sighed, “We’re going to keep looking, see if there’s anything we can find about these guys.”

“Yeah you do that.” Olivia snapped and turned away from him. 

“Lieu” Fin called out as he approached, “Rollins is finishing up with Carmen. We called in Fujita to do sketches with her after. TARU is sending some specialists to see if we can trace anything about who turned off all the cameras.”

Olivia nodded, “How is she holding up?”

“I don’t think an atomic bomb could rattle Carmen. She’s rock steady.”

Olivia smiled half heartedly. “Anything in his office?”

Fin shook his head. “They’re checking for fingerprints but from what Carmen was saying, these guys were professionals and Barba wasn’t putting up a fight.”

“Lieutenant Benson.” Sgt. Wilson called out, hanging up his cell. “They found a cellphone and an apple watch in a trashcan on the lower garage level.”

“Carisi?” Fin asked.

Olivia nodded, “probably.” 

“They’re doing a more in-depth search of that level now.” Wilson added. “I’m going to go join them now.”

“Thanks Sarge.” Fin clapped the other man on the shoulder. After he left Fin turned to Olivia, “I get that Barba has enemies. It’s part of the job especially when you’re as good at it as Barba is, but why Carisi? The way Carmen was describing it they weren’t expecting him, Barba was trying to give him the brush off, they had the opportunity to leave without him. It was the kidnappers that encouraged him to go with them”

“If they need Barba to do something for them, and they know anything about Raf they know they’ll have a better chance to get some cooperation with someone else to threaten.” Olivia shrugged, “they could’ve just taken advantage of the situation.”

“Yeah but if they wanted to get a second hostage, why not go for Carmen, or… I mean these guys were organized, why not grab his mother? What hostage taker grabs the 6 foot 180 pound man over a 100 pound woman, especially for leverage?”

Olivia nodded, he had a good point. “Carmen has all of Barba’s death threats stored somewhere. Get them from her, start looking for any that came from cases Carisi played a major role in, any that might mention him.”

“Ok.” Fin agreed and headed back to the room Carmen and Rollins were in.

Olivia’s phone started to ring, she pulled it out and answered, “Benson.”

“Lieutenant,” Sgt. Wilson greeted. “We think we have something.”  
—

“And he snapped, started screaming at everyone in the room. Every slur he could think of. After that it was a slam dunk.” Rafael finished his story, leaning back against the wall, they were both sitting on the cot very pointedly not looking at the shackles attached to it. Carisi was relieved that the other man’s voice sounded much better after they had gotten a drink of water, “This is my fault. I should’ve realized there were other women.”

“Hey no,” Carisi shook his head vehemently. “No, none of this is on you.”

Rafael shot him an unimpressed look, “I wanted the case to be over quickly. The evidence was overwhelming on the parts we found, I didn’t need anything else and I did not give the detectives handling the case the chance to look for it. If I’d had more patience and not just gone for the easy win with Robert maybe we could’ve gotten evidence on Vincent. He knew about this place, he was at least an accomplice.”

“Sure, and maybe if you had pursued that you would’ve been given concrete shoes and thrown into the Hudson eleven years ago. The Lucchese family wouldn’t have let that-“

He was cut off by the sound of the door opening. They both shot to their feet as two men, Michael and the man Barba had called Cousin Ernesto, walked down the stairs. Both were well armed. Carisi pulled Rafael behind him and prayed he wouldn’t try anything stupid.

Michael smiled at the two of them. “Well now boys, we’re going to have some fun.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, attempted sexual assault

“Aw look at them Joe,” Michael smirked motioning to the dark haired man at how Carisi was keeping himself between them and Barba, “sweet isn’t it?” He sauntered up to Carisi. “What would you do to keep your little boyfriend safe?”

“What do you want me to do?” Carisi threw his arm back to keep Rafael, who’d tried to surge forward, from coming around him.

“Carisi” Barba whispered harshly.

“Kneel.” Michael shoved his gun under Sonny’s jaw, his free hand trailing down Sonny’s chest, “we’ll see where we go from there.”

“Okay.” Carisi swallowed heavily and started to kneel, “Okay. I’m doing it.” Once he was on his knees Michael threaded his fingers through Carisi’s hair pulling his head back, tracing his gun up and down the detective’s jaw while looking at him almost contemplatively.

“Does your father know?” Rafael asked suddenly.

“What?” Michael stopped moving his gun. If Carisi could move his head he would’ve given Barba a glare to shut up.

“Can’t have been the easiest home to grow up in.” Rafael stepped away from and around Carisi, coming to Michael’s side, “that sort of old school attitude. The things your father must’ve said.” Rafael paused “the things Robert must’ve said. I remember you, how much you looked up to him. It must’ve hurt hearing what he thought about people like us.”

Michael lashed out, striking Rafael with the butt of his gun and knocking him to the ground. “Shut up.”

“Barba- Rafael. Stop.” Carisi hissed from where he was still kneeling.

Rafael spat on the floor, “Like recognizes like Michael.”

“SHUT UP!” Michael kicked the prone man hard. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. He began to strike him over and over again. “You bastard! Shut up!”

Carisi jumped up to stop him but was thrown back against the wall by the dark haired man, Joe. “Stop, Michael stop!” He tried to push back against Joe but Joe pushed the muzzle of his gun against his chest keeping him pinned. “Michael. I’ll do what you want. Stop please.”

Michael stopped hitting and stood holding Rafael, breathing heavily. The way Michael was standing blocked Carisi’s view of most everything but Barba’s legs, but Sonny could see that he was hanging limp in the angry man’s grasp and there was blood. He felt sick.

“Michael, he’s down ok? He’s down. I’m here. I’ll do what you want ok?” He called out, desperate. “You wanted me to kneel right? I can do that.” He looked to Joe with his hands spread to indicate that he was no threat but Joe didn’t back off, keeping him pressed against the wall. Michael didn’t seem to hear him.

“That’s how you got to Robert right?” Michael whispered angrily, he began pawing at Barba’s pants, undoing his belt and the buttons. “How you got into his head. Knew he wouldn’t stand how disgusting and perverted you are.”

Rafael weakly tried to push the other man’s hand away but couldn’t achieve much in his condition, still dazed from the beating he received. Everything was ringing and felt like it was happening a couple feet to the left of himself. Concusion, he realized.

“Are you jealous?” Michael demanded as he pushed the other man’s pants down. “Thought your little boy toy was going to get the dick you wanted so bad?”

“He- he’s not-“ Rafael tried to twist away but Michael was holding him firm.

“You’re going to deny that he’s your little undisclosed boy toy? We watched you for months, years. We saw everything. How he follows you around like a little puppy. Desperate for every scrap of attention you gave him. You think we don’t know?” Michael struck him again, Rafael stopped moving.

“Stop. Michael you don’t have to do this.” Carisi pleaded, he started fighting against Joe again and received a punch to the stomach for his troubles. He doubled over wheezing.

Michael abruptly stopped, stepping away from Rafael. He wheeled around to Carisi, shoving Joe out of the way. “You want me to stop?” He pulled Carisi back up straight by his collar “You still want to do anything to protect him?”

“Yes. Please, whatever you want.”

“Fuck him.”

Carisi went very still. “What?”

“You want me to stop, I want you to fuck him.” Michael replied coolly, but Carisi could see the edge in his eyes. The young man was very close to snapping and that made him all the more dangerous. "You can pull him up on the bed, take him on the floor, bend him over the sink. Whatever you like. But you’re going to fuck him like both your lives depend on it.” He tapped the tip of his gun against Carisi’s forehead. “Because they do.”

Carisi felt like he couldn’t breathe, he stared at Barba who was starting to shift again. He was a mess, blood dripping from cuts on his forehead, under his eye, corner of his mouth. Their gazes locked and Carisi felt his chest constrict even more, he couldn’t do this. “I- I-“

“I could shoot you right now. Fuck him myself.” Michael suggested. “You’re extraneous to this whole situation.”

Rafael was trying to speak and pull himself to a seated position but his words were muffled. Unfortunately the two words Carisi and Michael could make out clearly was ‘your brother’. Carisi's heart sank.  
“What did you say?” Michael released Sonny and got back into Rafael’s face again. Carisi tried to stop him but Joe once again pinned him to the wall. “What did you fucking say?”

Rafael spat a mouthful of blood on the floor. “Is that why your brother cut those women up? Because he couldn’t fuck them himself?”

With an outraged scream Michael shoved Rafael back down, got on top of him and began punching him in a flurry of fists. 

Joe sighed deeply, threw Carisi on the bed and pulled Michael off of the battered man. “Cool off.” Michael struggled in his grip. “Hey. I said cool off.” He pushed him towards the stairs. “Your father’ll be pissed if you kill him now. Take a break. Get outta your head.”

Michael shot hateful glares at all of them and stormed up the stairs. Joe shook his head, muttering “stupid kid.” and followed at a much more leisurely pace.

Carisi scrambled to get to Barba. He was out cold but he still breathing and he had a pulse. Sonny sagged in relief. The other man was a mess, covered in blood and the right side of his face rapidly swelling. Carisi’s gaze traveled down, landing on how Rafael’s pants had been pushed down to his mid thigh, though his boxer briefs had thankfully stayed up. Carisi swallowed back the taste of bile, trying not to think about what would’ve happened if Rafael hadn’t made Michael snap. 

He’d been prepared to let Michael do whatever he wanted to him. He’d felt the other man feeling him up the first time, had seen the glint in his eyes when Carisi had kneeled for him, known what that would mean. But to be forced to do that to Rafael…

Carisi pulled the other man’s pants up and refastened them, redid his belt. He cradled him, clutching his wrist in one hand to keep track of his pulse, watched him breathe. When Rafael woke up Sonny would be able to find it within him to be angry at how stupid Barba was to provoke their captors like that. He’ll yell and curse and get it through the idiot’s head that he couldn’t do that, couldn’t sacrifice himself like that, not for… not for him. 

But for now he just watched him breathe.


	7. Chapter 7

Everything hurt, he must’ve really pissed dad off this time. Something wet was dripping on his cheek. He tried to shift but he realized he was held fast. Ah shit, mami. He hated making her cry. She hated it when he ran his mouth off to distract dad from her.

“No te preocupes mami. Se ve peor de lo que es.” He murmured. He tried to shift but he was held tighter. “Mami, don’t cry, he didn’t get me that bad.”

“Rafael.” The voice was distinctly not his mother. Rafael slowly blinked his eyes, well one blinked the other was too swollen to move. Everything rushing back as he took in the basement. With a groan he tilted his head up so he could see the man holding him. Carisi. Carisi’s eyes were suspiciously red but Rafael was relieved to see he looked otherwise unharmed.

“Carisi.” Rafael tried to move to sit up but Carisi wasn’t letting him. “Carisi I’m ok.”

“Don’t-“ Carisi choked out. He held Rafael tighter. “Just don’t.”

Rafael shifted again trying to figure out what hurt beyond everything. Nothing sharp stood out in his ribs and abdomen, he could feel his legs, arms. His head pounded, there was a ringing in his ears. Roof of his mouth still felt torn up from his session with Vincent. Right side of his face was near immobile from the swelling, it must look like shit. “Sonny. Really, I’ve had much worse.”

“Shut up.” Carisi shook his head. “Rafael, please just-”

Rafael frowned, ignoring how it ached to move his face that way. Sonny looked like he was barely holding it together. Sure he didn’t immediately appear injured but that didn’t mean they didn’t do something else when he was unconscious. “Sonny, they didn’t- are you ok?” He twisted more insistently out of Carisi’s grip so he could get a better look at the other man, got into a more seated position so he could start checking on the detective. “Did they do anything to you?”

“I’m fine, stop Rafael, calm down. They didn’t touch me.” Carisi grabbed his shoulders, to steady him, to calm him. Realizing that Rafael could move he decided to get them both off the floor. “Lets get to the bed ok? Do you remember everything that’s happened? Where you are?”

“Yeah, yeah. Robert Baratta’s family. I know.” Rafael let Carisi help him up and leaned on him as the shuffled their way to the dingy cot. “I know.”

“You thought were talking to your mom earlier.”

“Like I said, I’ve gotten worse. Usually getting between my dad and my mom.” He sat down on the bed heavily, feeling incredibly dizzy. “Much younger back then, easier to bounce back from this sort of thing.”

“You’re slurring.”

Rafael frowned again, was he? he didn’t notice. “My mouth’s all fucked from before, and my face is- is-” he couldn’t remember the word so just gestured to the mess of his face. “Of course I’m talking funny.”

“Barba.” Carisi said seriously, crouching in front of him. “You’ve got a concussion.”

“Probably.” He looked at Carisi, concerned at how distressed he looked. “Are you ok?” He reached out to check on the detective, “did they-“

Carisi grabbed his hands, “You already asked me that. Do you remember?” He squeezed Rafael’s hands tightly to get his attention which was focused on getting his hands free so he could continue his examination. “Rafael, stop. Stop. I’m ok, alright?”

“You look so- so-“ Rafael struggled to remember the word. His frustration morphed into concern at how distressed Carisi looked. He wanted to reach out and check on him but his hands were held tight. “Are you ok? Did they do anything to you?”

“Rafael.” Carisi sounded so distraught and there were tears in his eyes. 

 

Rafael shut his eyes, not wanting to see the other man cry. Closing his eyes made his nausea and dizziness worse. He swallowed thickly against the rising taste of bile but it wasn’t working. He twisted so he could retch over the foot of the bed.

“Woah” Carisi grabbed Barba and held him steady, stroking his back. “Easy. It’s ok.” There wasn’t really anything left to come up, thankfully, and he pulled Rafael against his chest once the heaving stopped. “It’s ok, you’re ok.”

Rafael breathed heavily, trying to recover from the pain. When he opened his eye Carisi felt a little relieved that he looked more alert. “I’m ok Carisi.”

“Rafael.” Carisi hugged him, “Raf, stop. Listen, Rafael, when they come back you’ve got to keep quiet. Its my job to protect you. Just keep quiet.”

Rafael snorted. “You sound exactly like my mom now. If you get out of here you can ask her how well that worked.”

Carisi didn’t know how to respond to that at all. “What you did was stupid. Do you understand that? It was stupid. And when WE get out of here I’m going to let you know exactly how stupid it was.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Rafael demanded, he tried to sit back up but Carisi wouldn’t release him. “Let him force you to rape me? Let them rape you? You want me to just watch them destroy you?”

“You think it isn’t destroying me watching them hurt you because you keep antagonizing them? You’re supposed to not try to get yourself killed. If you don’t stop you’re gonna get yourself killed.” Carisi struggled to keep his anger down, especially when he saw Rafael’s jaw set stubbornly like he was fully prepared to keep arguing. “If nothing else, Rafael, if there’s nothing else… if they kill you what do you think is going to happen to me? You think they’re going to keep me around?”

Rafael softened a bit, relaxing in Carisi’s hold. “We’ve got to get you out of here.”

“We both are going to get out of here.” Carisi insisted. “Ok Rafael, we’re both going to get out of here.”

—

“They found one of Barba’s cufflinks in an empty parking space. There’s a skid mark leaving that space, and dent from a car door on the car next to it. Before the cameras went out you can see neither was there before and the space was empty.” Fin explained to Rollins and Benson as he posted pictures of the evidence they had. “They found flakes of paint from the other car in the dent. Car is black.”

Rollins huffed. “Great, so 8 hours and we’re not really any closer to anything. We’ve just narrowed it down to a black car?”

Benson shook her head, “No now we have a time frame. They arrived after the cameras went out at 9:50am. From the parking tickets we know we have 15 cars that left between when Carmen alerted security and when the lockdown was put in place. If we can narrow down those fifteen based on their arrival times we can start combing through traffic cams, see if we can get anything on the vehicle.”

“Way ahead of you.” Fin cut in. “Only one of the cars arrived in that time frame. 9:52, east entrance.”  
“There’s a bank across the street from that entrance.” Rollins pointed out. “They’ll probably have cameras pointed at that entrance.”

“Great,” Benson sighed. “Get that video. Fin, where are we on the death threats?”

“They’re going to take awhile. Carmen says there aren’t any that name Carisi specifically, but we’re starting with the ones where he was involved in the case.” Fin nodded to stack of five file boxes next to his desk. “Thats the past ten years worth of threats that Carmen has managed to save. She said Barba has a bad habit of tearing them up when he gets them. Plus theres thousands as emails.”

Rollins raised her eyebrows in surprise, “I expected Barba to have a lot of threats, I remember from Herdido, but that many?”

“You’ve got letters from people he prosecuted, victims that he didn’t get convictions for, families and friends from both, there’s even letters from fans of people he put away.” Fin shook his head. “A heavy smattering of your good old fashioned general stalker. And one very descriptive one from an irate president of a tenants’ association back in Brooklyn who objected very strongly to Barba’s lack of… enthusiasm for the various initiatives from the association for the apartment building .”

Olivia smiled fondly, she could imagine exactly how enthusiastic her friend would’ve been about the sort of initiatives tenant associations would come up with. She straightened up when she saw Chief Dodds walk in. “Chief.”

He nodded a greeting at the assembled detectives. He looked at the board, the sketches of the four men, the little evidence they currently had and sighed deeply. “Technically this squad should be no where near this case.”

“Sir, with all dear respect-“ Benson started to argue but he held up his hand to stop her.

“An ADA and a detective taken straight from 1 Hogan’s Place. It’s a nightmare. Everyone wants to see this wrapped up as fast as possible and get them home. And I don’t need to emphasize how important it is this stays quiet.”

“Of course, we want to avoid tipping these guys off on anything we might have.” Olivia agreed.

Dodds shrugged, they all knew that that was a secondary reason to Dodds and his bosses. The press would have a field day with this case. “For now you will get to stay lead on this case, but…”

Olivia nodded, her team was going to be under a close watch, there could be no slip ups. “Thank you Chief.”

He nodded. “Bring them home Lieutenant.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Non graphic rape

Sonny bit down on his fist to keep from screaming. He tried to keep his breaths slow and shallow. He was cramping up in the position he’d been forced to curl into in order to fit in the chest freezer. He needed to get out. He needed to not run out of air. He needed to be able to ignore the way the freezer kept rocking, back and forth, the muffled sounds from outside as something was pushed against the freezer over and over. Someone. “Oh god” he choked out as he closed his eyes and allowed tears to fall.

-Earlier that morning - 

__

“We should talk about what’s going to happen when they come back down.” Rafael started calmly, he was leaning back against the head of the cot, holding a wet cloth kerchief to the bruised side of his face. It was the closest thing they had to ice.

“You’re going to stay quiet, ok? Stay quiet and let me-“

“If they tell you to do-” Rafael closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, “anything to me, you will.”

“No.” Carisi snapped. “No, I- I could-“ He stopped and shook his head turning away, deciding to try getting the board off the window again. “ You can’t ask me to agree to that.”

“I’m not asking. Sonny this is about me. They’re focused on me. I understand you want to protect me.” Rafael leaned forward, struggling to find the correct words but desperate to get it right, “You were right, I was stupid earlier. But they will kill you as soon as you’re not worth the trouble to them. So you are going to do what you have to for it to not get to that point.”

“No I-“ 

“Whatever they tell you to do it’s- it’s ok.“ Barba relaxed against the wall again, “this is… a blanket absolution. We just need to both do what we can to both stay alive.”

“You can’t- you can’t tell me that.” Carisi pounded the wall and spun away. “Unless you’ll agree to the same. Whatever they tell you to do to me you’ll…?”

“I …” Rafael sighed deeply and looked away. “Listen, if they kill you I don’t intend to… stick around, to just suffer through however long Vincent wants to drag this out.”

Carisi looked at him, horrified. “Rafael.”

Rafael held up his hands, “I have every faith in Liv. But-“

“I never figured you for a quitter Counselor.” Sonny cut him off coldly. He didn’t want to hear this and he couldn’t believe Rafael would ever say anything like that.

“Don’t be stupid Detective.” Rafael snapped back. “I know what they’re capable of. What they did to women that never did anything to them. How long they were kept alive, tortured. The number of parts Robert removed antemortem. This… this is personal. So what do you think is in store for me?”

\- Present - 

The rocking mercifully stopped. All there was now was the dark and the sound of his breathing. Carisi strained to hear anything from outside, but there was nothing. It was starting to get harder to breathe.  
Carisi wished he could take back what he said to Rafael, it hadn’t been fair. Rafael had been right, he knew very well what was in store for him, for them. Over the course of the morning Carisi had figured out that Rafael had ‘leveled the playing field’ so to speak. Rafael knew that if he died here Carisi would be killed. Now Carisi knew that if he got himself killed Rafael planed on… doing something stupid. That knowledge disincentivized heroics on both their parts. They had to stay alive for each other.

Something heavy banged against the top of the freezer, the rocking began again, harsher this time. Carisi closed his eyes again trying to block it out. He started to pray.

\- Earlier that morning - 

__

As soon as the three men, Vincent, Michael, and Joe, had come down the stairs Carisi had tried to draw their attention, snarking and insulting them. He could see it working on Michael, the young man’s jaw twitching with barely restrained fury, but Vincent was single minded in his focus on Barba. The only time Vincent even acknowledged Carisi’s presence was when Joe, who’d been holding the detective back, punched Sonny in the stomach to get him to shut up and stop struggling. Vincent had chuckled as the young man doubled over. “Don’t worry, we’ll get to you soon enough Stretch.”

Joe had then thrust his gun under Carisi’s jaw, hissing in his ear,“Keep quiet Detective. For both your sakes.”

Vincent approached Rafael who kept his gaze locked on Sonny and Joe, willing Sonny to not do anything stupid. He would keep quiet if it’ll keep Sonny quiet. His eyes fluttered closed when Vincent took a hold of his chin, tilting it so he could get a better look at the damage his son had done yesterday.

“He really did a number on you huh?” Vincent snorted as he thumbed one of the dark bruises, causing Rafael to glare at him. “You have a way of getting under my family’s skin. That smart mouth of yours. Of course Michael was never really known for his brains.”

Michael huffed angrily but hung back. Carisi noticed a dark mark on his cheek. It was the sort of mark one would get from being smacked by someone wearing a large ring, like the one on the hand holding Rafael’s face.

Sonny saw Barba’s jaw clench, knew he was holding back a snappy comeback. He opened his mouth to make that comeback for him, intending draw to the elder Baratta away from Rafael, but Joe jabbed the gun harder under his jaw pushing it shut. “I’m serious, you will stay quiet.”

“We’re going to play a game I like to call Jack-in-the-Box.” Vincent patted Rafael on cheek, Rafael barely kept from flinching. “See, Jack, in this case your detective, is going in the box.” He motioned to the locked freezer. “Then you get to earn the chance to let him out of the box before he runs out of air. Could be 20 minutes, could be more. Course tall guy like him… not as much room for air in there, could be much less.”

“You don’t need to put him in the box.” Rafael started. “I’ll do what you want.”

“You will either way. The box makes it more fun. The surprise time restraint, keeps that suspense up.”

Michael moved from where he was sulking and went to unlock the freezer. Carisi breathed in sharply, there were scratch marks all over the lid and sides, gouges and dents. The marks all screamed of sheer panic and desperation.

“Stay calm. Breathe slow and shallow.” Joe whispered as he dragged the detective to the freezer. Carisi frowned, why was he trying to give him advice.

\- Present - 

Carisi was growing more and more drowsy. Carbon dioxide toxicity, asphyxiation. Carisi barely registered that the rocking had stopped. Thank god the rocking had stopped. Carisi breathed in, it just made him cough. Everything felt heavy. Something was scrabbling on the lid of the freezer. His head ached.

The lid opened. Rafael was there, holding it open. The fresh air immediately caused a coughing fit. Carisi had never seen Rafael look so pale. His eyes were red rimmed. Awareness was finally creeping back and Sonny tried to get himself out of the freezer, Rafael helping to pull him out over the side. Carisi immediately collapsed and fell back against the side of the freezer. His legs were cramped from being curled up that way for so long and his lungs burned as he tried to get them the oxygen he needed. Rafael was there next to him, trying to check his pulse. He wished he could say something, anything, to reassure the other man but he couldn’t stop coughing. He needed to check on Rafael himself, make sure he was… well not ok, neither of them were ok. But he needed to check on him. As soon as he could breathe again. For now he settled for grabbing the hand on his neck and squeezing. Rafael rewarded him with a shaky smile and a small squeeze back.

“Now then Stretch.” Vincent crouched down next to them. “Mr. Barba earned the chance to let you out of the box. You get to earn the chance to stay out of the box. You do well we’ll even wrap up for the day and the two fo you can have something to eat.”

“What?” Carisi looked to Barba but he was just staring at the side of the freezer, his face impassive and frozen. The hand holding his tightened painfully. Carisi realized Rafael wasn’t wearing pants any more.

“Take your turn.” Vincent tilted his head at Barba, who remained stone faced, “Or… you go back in the box and Mr. Barba can try to earn another chance to get you out again.”

“He almost suffocated.” Barba snapped. Carisi could see tear tracks on Rafael’s face, he wondered if Rafael could see the tears on his.“He’s barely conscious.”

“Of course.” Vincent nodded almost agreeably. “Please, Detective, take five minutes to recover and then make your decision. We actually do have all day.”

Carisi wanted to vomit. He wanted to curl into a ball and block all of this out and wake up to discover this was some horrific nightmare. He wanted Rafael to stop looking at him like that, with determination and forgiveness because he knew what Rafael expected him to do, what Rafael needed him to do because there was no way he could make Rafael go through another round of trying to ‘earn’ a chance to get him out of the freezer. He wanted his head to stop pounding and the feeling of constriction around his chest that had nothing to do with his near asphyxiation to stop.

He and Rafael locked eyes. Rafael squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mafia power structures typically are Boss - Underboss - Caporegime - Soldiers - Associates. Caporegime are like captains, they head up crews of soldiers and associates and operate independently of each other but reporting up to the Boss. A consigliere is an advisor or counselor to the boss, with the additional responsibility of representing the boss in important meetings both within the boss's crime family and with other crime families. The Luchesses and the Gambinos are both large crime families.

After his father retired 10 years ago Joe D’Aquila had stepped up to become the fixer for the Luchesse family. He was good at his job and loyal to the family, almost to a fault. He never worked with Anthony Baratta, the consigliere, his specialty more focused on keeping people in line than anything to do with strategy but he knew his father was good friends with the man. When Anthony died last year Joe hadn’t been surprised, the man famously used to smoke like a chimney and overindulged in everything, be it women, food, or alcohol. 

So he’d been surprised when at the funeral reception at the the Boss’s house his father had pulled him aside and led him to an office. The Boss himself, Salvatore Luchesse, two of the caporegime… Joe’s palms still got sweaty when he remember how he felt walking into that room and seeing them all gathered there.

The meeting had been simple. Anthony had been murdered. That was the sort of information that could damage the family deeply, leaving ventures and alliances vulnerable to the other families. The boss had good reason to believe Vincent was responsible but no proof and now his hands were tied. 

Vincent was the obvious choice to replace Anthony, like his brother he had always been known to be loyal to the family and a brilliant strategist. Unlike his brother who’d been absolutely lacking in the desire to climb the ranks though, Vincent was ambitious. He had a lot of power and influence in his own right. His sons were both known to be sick freaks and the apples did not fall far from the tree, but Vincent was able to bring in incredible amounts of money. Without proof, without a good reason, the boss couldn’t not appoint Vincent to be his consigliere without causing a lot disruption. Hell, Vincent had been married to Anita Gambino, who’d died giving birth to Michael, if this wasn’t handled right this could devolve into a full scale war.

So Joe was to become the Barattas’ confidant. Get involved in everything Vincent and Michael did and report back. Keeping an eye out for the reason the Boss needed to remove Vincent without incident.

He’d been embedded with the Baratta family since that day. Helping, watching, reporting back when he could. Now this. Now Vincent had kidnapped an ADA and a detective. Joe could understand the ADA, while it was beyond stupid, Robert was dead and grief made people do stupid things. The need for revenge was reasonable. 

The detective though… the detective was a problem. Six months in he had not yet met his girlfriend’s family, but he had enough stories and seen enough photos from Gina to recognize her brother. Family was everything. Joe hadn’t been able to return home since the kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to see the woman he loved with her brother’s blood on his hands. Loud, brash, golden-hearted Gina. He’d been planning to ask her to marry him once he finished with Vincent. He can’t do that in good conscious if he allows her brother to die here.

This was going to be messy, but it would have to be enough.

With a deep sigh he pushed the call button on his phone. It rang once, twice, picked up. “Sir.” Joe greeted, “It’s time.”

—-

Rafael was curled in a tight ball on the cot facing the wall, staring sightlessly at the wall. He’d been silent and unmoving since he’d been allowed to redress, in a trance of his own misery. True to his word Vincent had decide to wrap for the day once Sonny had ‘earned’ the privilege to stay out of the freezer. Joe had come back down an hour later with some ham sandwiches that sat untouched by the sink.

Sonny stayed by the window, trying to pry the board off the wall. He couldn’t bear to look at Rafael right now, didn’t have any words that might help. His pinkie nail caught on the edge of the wood and ripped, exposing the nail bed. Cursing softly he stepped away from the window, carefully removed the torn part of the nail and stuck the offending digit in his mouth 

“Are you ok?” 

Sonny never felt more stupid. Reacting to something so tiny when Rafael was… he must be in so much pain right now and Sonny didn’t have anything to make it better. He knew the other man was bleeding, had seen the blood coating the other man’s thighs, could see it seeping through his pants, had seen it when he- Sonny cut that thought off, still unable to think about what had happened. He didn’t have anything to staunch the flow, couldn’t really exactly examine the damage either. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“Sonny-“ Rafael started to shift, trying to turn to see the detective, clearly worried that Carisi was hiding something from him. Carisi rushed to his side to keep him from moving around too much.

“Really, I just broke a nail.”

Rafael snorted at that, relaxed back down wincing. 

“Are you-“

“Don’t finish that question.” Rafael interrupted softly. He was back to staring at the wall.

“I’m sor-“

“Just sit down Sonny.”

Sonny sat on the edge of the cot careful not to touch Rafael. He fiddled with the ragged edge of his nail. He wished he knew what to do. He’d always been good at comforting victims but it was anathematic to think of Rafael as a victim. And how could he offer comfort when he’d- he couldn’t even think about what had happened without feeling like he’d been punched in the gut over and over and over again.

“I’m sorry.” Rafael whispered quietly.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

Carisi frowned. “No. No, Raf, no I’m-“

“You just did what I told you to do. You kept it from being worse.” Rafael was fiddling with his lose shirt sleeve. In the back of his mind, the part that wasn’t reeling from what Rafael was saying, Carisi wondered when he’d lost his cufflink. “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”

Sonny tentatively put a hand on Rafael’s shoulder. “None of this is your fault.”

“I’m sorry I’m glad it’s you here.”

“What?” Sonny asked again, withdrawing his hand. He didn’t miss the way Rafael’s eyes closed at the loss of contact.

“I wouldn’t be… I wouldn’t be trying so hard if it were someone else. I- I wouldn’t be able to keep it together right now with anyone else.”

Sonny didn’t know what to say. Rafael was so pale, he worried the man might be going into shock. The bruises on his face from yesterday had matured into deep purple marks. There were new bruises, around Rafael’s neck, still darkening. 

He tried to think about if anyone else were here in his stead. Benson, Rollins… hell even Fin. God, the nightmare it would be if he had let Rafael walk out of his office with Michael alone.

He heard Rafael take a deep shuddering breath, saw tears silently coursing down his face.

“I’m glad it’s me here too.” Sonny put his hand back on Rafael’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, “and I am sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Rafael shook his head. “You didn’t-“

“I know. I’m still sorry.” Feeling suddenly bold Sonny leaned over and pressed a comforting kiss to the other man’s temple. He felt Rafael shudder with barely contained sobs. Sonny sat up in the bed, and mindful of his injuries, pulled Rafael into an embrace. Sonny pressed another kiss to his temple and just held Rafael as he weeped.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't love this chapter but wanted to get something up.   
> Warnings: violence, dub-con

Rafael screamed and thrashed against the shackles holding him to the cot but his ankles and wrists were held fast. The smell of burning flesh filled the air. After a few seconds Vincent pulled the brand away from Rafael’s shoulder. Vincent smiled as he admired his handiwork. He ran a thumb along the burned skin eliciting a pained groan from the restrained man. His hand trailed down the other man’s spine as he considered what he wanted to do next.

“Robert designed this brand for me. He had an eye for these things.” He twirled the brand around contemplatively. “When I saw it at first I thought it was too big. Thought it would ruin too much of the canvas too quickly.” He stroked the edges of the burn which covered most of Rafael’s left shoulder blade. “It comes out so pretty though. The lion is from our family crest. The trinacria, for the family business.” He stood up, putting the brand to cool in the sink. He went to the freezer where he’d rolled out a leather tool kit, he picked up two knives and compared them.

Panting through the pain Rafael tried to look over his shoulder to see Sonny. He couldn’t turn very far, all he could see was Joe standing by the stairs. Rafael was growing concerned that he hadn’t heard anything from Sonny for a while and if Joe was there alone then Michael had him.

“Oh your detective and Michael are doing a private session upstairs.” Vincent smirked. “Michael needs the practice. He has a tendency to go too rough, lacks the finesse to properly draw a session out. Youthful exuberance.” 

The part of Rafael that wasn’t consumed by fear for the detective worried how he could’ve missed Michael taking Sonny upstairs.

Vincent pulled out a jet flame lighter and started to heat up the edge of the scalpel blade he had selected. The metal began to glow red. “Don’t worry. I told Michael to make sure he stays alive.” 

Rafael could feel the heat from the blade hovering over his right shoulder. Vincent sighed and shook his head. “Robert had a gift with the blade. He really did have an eye for these things.”

—  
Pretty much immediately after he’d been dragged upstairs Carisi realized Vincent and Robert probably never let Michael take charge of a session on his own before. Michael was clearly trying to channel elements that he’d probably observed from the other two men but he lacked the experience to use them effectively. The day he’d come down with Joe to torture Sonny and Rafael he’d lacked control. Today he lacked focus, he talked and monologued too much, it had taken 20 minutes for Michael to do anything beyond tie him to the chair. Another 15 to cut off his shirt. Then he’d seemed distracted by the bare skin he’d exposed and crawled onto Sonny’s lap.

“Can you hear him scream?” Michael whispered in Sonny’s ear as he ran his hands up and down the detective’s chest. 

Sonny closed his eyes shivering. The screams echoing up from the basement through the vents had been ongoing and they were killing Sonny. He gripped the arms of the chair tightly. The way Michael was straddling him he could feel Michael’s erection pressed against his stomach.

“We don’t have much time, hot knife sessions rarely take very long. The subject passes out too quickly.” Michael mouthed at Sonny’s neck. “Though old Rafa seems pretty stubborn. Must be what you like to fuck out of him.”

Sonny breathed hard through his nose when Michael bit down, determined not to scream even as Michael lapped at the blood leaking out from the mark.

He had an idea of how to play this, how to get Michael thrown off balance and to start working a wedge between him and his father, but what he would have to do and say to get to Michael made him want to throw up. Michael had clearly grown up around dominating men, and that was what he responded to. Sonny would have to be careful though, as bad as he is at the intimidation game Michael’s temper and volatility made him potentially more dangerous than his father ever could be. Sonny could handle whatever happened to himself but if Michael decided to attack Rafael because of this ploy he’d never forgive himself.

Michael picked up the knife he’d used to cut off Carisi’s shirt from the side table and used it to trace patterns on Carisi’s chest, scratching but not pressing hard enough to draw blood. “Is that it? Is that what you enjoy about fucking him? Getting him to where he finally shuts up and takes it like the bitch that he is?”

Pushing down is the sick feeling that threatened to overwhelm him Sonny reached into the dark place he draws on when he does undercover work and forced a grin on is face. “You have no idea.”

Michael paused and froze, “What?”

“How good it feels. Someone that strong willingly giving themselves to you, falling apart and trusting you to pick up the pieces.” Carisi kept his voice pitched low, almost sultry, to draw Michael in. 

Michael seemed enthralled but still suspicious “What are you doing?”

Carisi leaned forward breathing in deep from Michael’s neck, he could feel the other man shudder and his hips stutter. “Who picks up the pieces for you?” He bit down on Michael’s shoulder, not hard to draw blood but just a firm pressure. Michael groaned and clutched at Sonny’s shoulders, nails digging into flesh, the knife clattered on the floor.

Michael grabbed Sonny’s head and claimed his lips in a bruising kiss. Instead of pulling away or fighting it Sonny went with it, taking Michael’s lower lip between his teeth, eliciting a gasp from his captor.

Sonny could feel a damp patch growing on Michael’s trousers as the young man rutted against him. He was surprised at how little it took to get Michael to lose control, apparently he was that starved for any semblance of affection. He hated this so much. Everything inside him was screaming at him to stop, to get Michael off of him. He kept kissing, kept biting and sucking on what he could to drive Michael wild and get inside his head.

“Michael.”

Michael pulled away and stared wide eyed at Joe who was standing in the doorway. “Joe?”

Sonny couldn’t turn to see Joe but his voice sounded impassive. “Your father wants him downstairs again.”

Michael looked beyond irritated. “I haven’t finished with him yet.”

“Your father said now.” Joe shrugged. 

Angry Michael ripped himself away from Sonny and stormed out of the room. Joe sighed and approached the still bound man.

“Whatever you’re doing, don’t.”

“What?” Sonny asked confused, he watched the man undo his bonds and stood up carefully. With a firm hand on his shoulder Joe steered him out of the room and back towards the basement.

“Whatever you’re doing, getting inside that little sicko’s head, not worth it.” Joe picked up a shopping bag from the hall table and handed it to Sonny. “He’s still restrained. Vincent wanted it that way and frankly it’s best to keep him on his stomach and from moving around too much.” He motioned for Sonny to head down the stairs.

Sonny looked inside the bag, some sterile gauze pad packages, a tube on antiseptic cream, and- Sonny paused, recognizing the black beads and silver cross, his rosary. It had been in his jacket pocket when they’d been taken, Sonny hadn’t been able to find it when he woke up in the basement and had assumed it had fallen out in the parking lot or during transport. He looked back to Joe, who’s face remained impassive. “Why are you helping us?”

Joe shook his head and pushed Sonny towards the basement door. “Just get downstairs.”

Deciding to not press his luck Sonny quickly obeyed.

The door slammed shut behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

Sonny rushed down the stairs, terrified of what he would find. He stopped short at the sight. “Jesus.”

As he approached Rafael didn’t stir. Thank god he must be out cold. The other man was naked, face down, his wrists and ankles shackled to the cot posts. He was still breathing, Sonny could see his back rise and fall slowly with each breath. His back was littered with dark deep cuts. One ran just to the right of his spine down the full length, others across his right shoulder blade, around his lower back. His left shoulder taken up entirely by a design, the outline of a heraldic style lion on top of a solid three point star. There was surprisingly little blood for all the cuts, there seemed to be more running down from where the restraints had cut in and rubbed his wrists raw than on his back. And there was an odd smell, like someone had just grilled a-

Sonny hadn’t thrown up at a crime scene since he was a rookie, but the realization of why there was no blood, what the smell was, made him rush to the sink and empty out what little he still had in his stomach. The cuts weren’t dark from depth or blood, the skin on the edges had been burnt black, they were cauterized. He wretched again, spitting up bile. He couldn’t even imagine the agony Rafael must’ve been in, Jesus they branded him. Shudderingly trying to pull himself back together Sonny panted, clutching the sink edge. Jesus.

Trying to compartmentalize for Rafael's sake he ran the sink, rinsing his hands under the ice cold flow. Burns were very susceptible to infection, and while he had no soap at least a rinse under the water was better than nothing. The cold water helped him come back to himself too, numbing the horror he felt at what had been done to Rafael. While he’d been trying to play mind games with Michael, Vincent had been down here just- he shook his hands dry and turned off the sink, he had to focus on taking care of the other man now. 

Pulling out the tube of antiseptic out Sonny tried to figure out the least painful way to apply it. As gently as he could Sonny started to spread some of the ointment on. Though Rafael didn’t stir Sonny could hear a soft whine each time his fingers passed over a burn. It broke his heart. The brand was the worst, trying to apply the cream to the large burns that made up the star. As Sonny finished with Rafael’s back he realized the other man’s eyes had opened. They were staring at him, glazed with pain and uncomprehending.

“Hey Rafa,” Sonny said softly, “It’s ok. You’re going to be ok.”

Rafael whimpered, started to shift. Sonny grabbed his hands to still them, careful to keep his face in Rafael’s eye line. “Shh, don’t move Rafael. It’s ok, just don’t move.” 

Once he was sure Rafael would stay still Sonny moved onto applying the gauze to protect the wounds. He kept up a steady stream of comforting noises though he was almost positive Rafael was not actually taking anything in. “You’re doing so well Rafael, it’s ok. You’ll be ok.”

Done with the gauze Sonny gently started carding his fingers through Rafael’s hair. It was getting oily from being unwashed and was damp with sweat. “Try to sleep Rafa. I’m going to be right here and you’ll be ok, just try to sleep” Sonny murmured. He kept making soft noises and murmurs until Rafael gave in, in too much pain and too out of it in general to do anything else but fall asleep again.

One hand still carding Rafael’s hair, Sonny reached and grabbed the rosary Joe had gotten back to him. He rolled the beads in his fingers, one by one, seeking the comfort he used to find so many times before in the motion. Closing his eyes he began to pray.  
\--

Liv sat in her office trying not to cry. It had been four days since someone had taken her best friend and one of her detectives and they had nothing. Everyone above her was growing impatient, Dodds was breathing down their necks, taking up precious time questioning what was taking so much time. She’d just gotten off a video call with Noah who was near inconsolable from not seeing her for so long. She didn’t know how long it would be until she could go home again, couldn’t imagine going home until Barba and Carisi were safe. The dread and the worry she had for the fate of two of the best men she’d ever had the pleasure to know was starting to consume her.

They had nothing. The sketches, though detailed, were not getting any hits and they were still not allowed to release them to the public while 1pp tried to keep this quiet. Unfortunately this seemed to be the one time the precinct wasn’t leaking like a sieve and the sketches remained out of the news. They had managed to get the surveillance video from the bank and had a clear shot of the car that was used to take Barba and Carisi entering the garage but running the plates had been a dead end. The plates had belonged to a car that was sitting in a used car lot in Staten Island. The threats against Rafael were extensive, stretching back over a decade and it was a slow slog to go through. She closed her eyes, there might not even be a clue in there. Maybe Rafael had destroyed anything he’d gotten from kidnappers. Maybe the kidnappers were the sort to skip threats and go straight to action.

Rollins knocked on her door, startling her from her misery. “Lieu, I think we got something.”

Pulling herself together, Olivia followed Amanda out to the bullpen to Finn who seemed excited.

“The owner of the dealership the plates came from. I realized why that name struck a bell. Giovanni Baratta.” Fin held up a binder from the threats files he’d been going through, “Carmen keeps this as a ‘Greatest Hits’ collection. Wildest threats, most notorious criminals, and famous writers.” He flipped it open to one of the first pages and handed it to Liv.

Liv had seen the binder before, Rafael was quite proud of the star studded cast of people he’d managed to piss off over his career. She glanced over the letter and looked at the sender’s name. Anthony Baratta. She looked at Fin in askance, she didn’t recognize it. 

"Giovanni's cousin." Fin explained, “Anthony Baratta was the consiglieri for the Luchesse family. One of the big five.”

“The mob?” Liv read the letter more carefully, Rollins peering at it as well. The letter was heavy in the implications of repercussions if Barba didn’t see the innocence of a Robert Baratta and drop whatever case he had against the other man but overall it was almost tame, impersonal. “This is over ten years old.”

“And it practically feels like a form letter than a real threat. This doesn’t read like someone who held a grudge for ten years.” Rollins added.

“Anthony no, he was Robert’s uncle. And he died last year. Robert’s father though, he took over his brother's position. And word on the street is he's never let a grudge go in his life.” Fin shrugged and started typing on his computer to pull up a picture. “Robert died last month in a prison fight.” He turned his screen around to show the two women a picture of an older man. It was a picture from some sort of event, the man was in a tux had two beautiful women in gowns on either side of him and seemed to be living it up. “You’ll never guess who owned the company that had the contract to upgrade the camera system in Hogans.”

“Hey.” Amanda pointed at a young man in the photo standing off to the side, and then pointed at the first sketch they had up on the board. “That’s him.”

Olivia looked between the photo and the sketch, there was a definite similarity.

“That’s his younger son, Michael.” Fin explained. "A lot of dropped charges in his file for everything from petty theft to assault."

Liv frowned. If these people were anyone else she’d be able to order them brought in now for questioning. The mob though, that was political. There were too many departments and task forces in New York and in Federal agencies devoted to the mob. Getting authorization to just go talk to these guys was going to take forever. They didn’t have forever. And as evidenced from the contractors Fin found, the mob had ties to things happening all over the city, from city contractors to airport baggage handler unions. Been able to get close to the Barattas without tipping them off and potentially putting Barba and Carisi in more danger, if they indeed had them and this wasn’t a wild goose chase, would be near impossible.

Meeting her detectives’ eyes she knew they were well aware how had this was going to be. “This is good Fin.”

Fin gave her a half smile. “It’s not going to be solid enough for Dodds though is it?” He knew, the threat was too old and vague, the car lot and camera contract were too coincidental. He knew deep down this was the right track but people like Dodds were not swayed by gut feelings.

Benson winced, if it was anyone but the mob she’d already be out the door to pick them up.

“This is Barba. This is Carisi. He’s my partner. If we- I can’t just sit here and wait- Liv this is them. These guys did took them, have them right now.” Rollins argued.

“I know. I know.” Liv nodded, “But what happens if we just haul Michael or Vincent in for questioning without Dodd’s backing? We get five maybe ten minutes before any of the local or national mob task forces come swooping in and declare themselves in charge. and what then? Carisi and Barba won’t be their priority. And if the Barattas don’t have them? Then we’ve lost control of the case to people who won’t-“ She paused, pulling herself together. This wasn’t fair. and they were wasting precious time but it wasn’t like she and her detectives could storm wherever the Barratas lived by themselves. Not without potentially getting themselves and, if they were there, Barba and Carisi killed. “I’m going to go talk to Dodds. This is solid Fin. Thank you.”

She started to walk out but her way was blocked by two large serious looking men in expensive dark wool jackets.

“Detective Benson?” The thinner of the two smiled and held out his hand. “I believe I have some information on some missing people of yours you would like to hear.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't love this chapter. The next one is going to be better.

Carisi jerked awake. His neck protested from the awkward angle he’d been in sleeping in, kneeling by the bed. Rafael moaned again, the sound that had woken him up. The cuffs rattled as Rafael attempted to shift.

“Hey, easy.” He sat up, reaching for Rafael’s arm. “Easy. Try not to move.”

Rafael whined again but stopped moving. Sonny was relieved that he seemed to be more alert than he was last night. Rafael licked his lips, wincing. “Can I have some water?”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” Sonny scrambled to get up. As he filled up one of the dixie cups Joe had brought down last time he’d brought them food. Looking at the gauze on Rafael’s back, imaging what lay underneath, Sonny struggled to come up with something to say.

Rafael snorted. “Just ask.”

“What?” Sonny knelt down and helped Rafael hold his head up so he could drink.

Rafael just gave him a look, “It’s painful watching you try to not ask, so just ask.”

Sonny cracked a small smile as he carefully tilted the cup so he didn’t spill or accidentally choke the other man. “Alright then. How are you feeling?” 

Rafael started to pull back so Sonny put the cup aside and gently laid Rafael’s head back down. He kept his hand in Rafael’s hair, stroking it gently. “I feel like shit.” Closing his eyes he tried to focus on the feeling of Carisi’s fingers carding his hair to distract from the stinging ache from his back. “If it looks half as bad as it feels…”

“Then I’m not sure how you’re making full sentences.” Carisi responded earnestly.

“That bad then.”

“It’s not- jesus Rafa it’s-”

“It’s ok Sonny. I know.”

Sonny kept stroking Rafael’s hair. He felt sick with guilt, what he did with Michael while Rafael was brutalized. “I’m so sorry Rafa.I keep saying it’s my job to protect you and I haven’t-”

Rafael cut him off, “You’re doing enough.”

Sonny felt even worse at that but held his tongue. He didn’t need to put that on the other man as well.

“Get out of your head Sonny.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Rafael snapped. Softer he continued “Just… just distract me. Tell me a story or something.”

“A story, ok… uh…” Sonny tried to think of something to talk about but for the first time in his life was drawing a blank.”

“Normally can’t get you shut up.” Rafael teased. “If I’d known asking you to talk would keep you quiet I would’ve done it ages ago.” Rafael paused suddenly remembering where Sonny had been when he’d been with Vincent. “Are you ok? I didn’t even think- what did Michael do? Are you hurt?” Rafael tried to twist around to get a better look, knowing Sonny would likely try to hide anything wrong. Sonny tried to keep him from moving too much, knowing it could open the injuries on his back.

“I’m fine. I’m fine Rafa, easy. He mostly monologued.” Sonny saw Rafael’s eyes had zeroed in on the bite on his neck, “and he bit me. Monologging and biting. Like a shitty guido Dracula.”

Relaxing Rafael continued to regard Sonny suspiciously. “You’re ok?”

“I’m fine.” Sonny repeated. “Really. He didn’t do anything.”

“He took your shirt.”

“Yeah, he took my shirt. Sorry, I’m sure the pale is blinding.” Sonny laughed weakly. “They took your clothes upstairs. I’m sorry I don’t have anything to- my pants, if you don’t want to feel so exposed I can try and put my pants over-“

“I never thought I would need to say this but please keep your pants on Detective Carisi.”

“Right yeah, I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing.” Rafael closed his eyes as the pain from his back flared up, breathing hard through his nose to control his reaction. 

Sonny bit his lip to keep from apologizing again. He looked at Rafael, taking in the thin sheen of sweat on his face, the fine tremors that wracked his body. Once again, as had happened often throughout their relationship Sonny was awestruck with Rafael Barba. After everything that has already happened that he could still keep it together, however tenuously, was incredible. 

He thought about Rafael’s earlier confession, that he wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep it together if it had been someone else here. He didn’t necessarily believe that was true, but at least he could provide that requested distraction. “I had some pictures on my phone I was going to show you that Sophie drew.”

Rafael smiled softly, “Bella’s daughter right?”

“Yeah, she’s getting so big now. Looks just like Bella at that age. And apparently she’s going through a purple period. Only crayon she’ll use.” Sonny grinned. Getting on a roll Sonny continued to talk about the adventures of his nieces and sisters until Rafael’s breathing out, he’d fallen asleep again. Quieting again Sonny leaned his back against the cot, stretching out his legs sighing deeply. 

—-

If these men weren’t key to finding her best friend and detective Olivia would happily punch them both in the nose. They had insisted on going to her office, refusing to be taken to an interrogation room. Now they were sitting on the couch, looking smug and calm like they had all the time in the world. Rollins seemed to be similarly struggling with her patience but Fin appeared to be as calm as ever. “So you know where Detective Carisi and ADA Barba are?”

The thinner man smiled wanly. “We are vested in seeing your people returned to you as soon as possible.”

The other man nodded in the direction of the evidence board outside the room. “We both know who is responsible for taking them. However you can’t just charge in without running into jurisdictional difficulties and we’re in a similarly difficult bind. We need to ensure this is handled delicately.” He shrugged apologetically. 

“But we all want to resolve this cleanly,” the thin man said quickly before Olivia could say anything response, “so what we can do is suggest that your squad be in this neighborhood tonight. Lets’ say around eight.” he passed over a folded piece of paper. “I have a strong feeling you’ll receive a useful call if you do.”

“You just expect us to take you word and ride around in this neighborhood waiting for a call?” Olivia asked disbelievingly.

“I am only making a strong suggestion. Whether or not you take it is up to you.” The thin man shrugged. “We can tell you with certainty that there were just two men involved in this unfortunate incident, operating entirely on their own, motivated by grief from the loss of beloved son.”

Rollins snorted, “We know that’s not true, at least four men were involved in the initial kidnapping, and Vincent wasn’t with them.”

“I assure you whoever told you that was mistaken. Vincent and Michael Baratta are the only ones involved. I highly recommend that that is what you have in your reports.” The two men stood up, like they were done.

“What are you doing?” Rollins demanded. 

“We’re done here. Oh and-“ the larger man pulled out a parking ticket and a check for the amount. “If you could just file this for us. Thanks.”

Rollins blocked their way and Olivia moved to join her. “You’re not going anywhere yet.”

The thinner man smirked. “Our tails think we’re in here paying that parking ticket. You hold us any longer and they’ll think something is up and you will lose this case. And if you lose this case you will lose your people. So we are done here. Eight o’clock.” He pointed back at the folded paper and brushed past the two women. Olivia reluctantly held Rollins back from trying to stop them.

The larger man nodded to them as he walked by. “They are both still alive.” He stated, as if that was supposed to be reassuring. He closed the door behind him as he left.

“So that’s it? We’re just going to let them walk out and we’re going to go on their wild goose chase around some neighborhood hoping to get a call?” Rollins asked angrily.

“The family must be pissed at Vincent to be icing him out like that.” Fin commented. “They are going to wrap this up in neat little bow for us.”

Rollins snorted derisively. “So you think we should just cruise around that neighborhood waiting for a call?”

Fin shrugged “What benefit would they get risking that kind of exposure just to send us on a wild goose chase? If the Barattas are really acting independently on something this dangerous for the family, the family might decide to clean house. If we’re not there to take that call there’s a good chance they decide to clean Carisi and Barba right up with the Barattas. I don’t know we have a choice.”

Olivia nodded. “It’s the best shot we have right now at getting Barba and Carisi back. And that’s my priority right now. Rollins, look into the neighborhood, see if the Barratas or the Lucchese family own any property there, any thing we can do to get ahead of them. Fin, we need a tac team.” She smiled softly at the blonde detective who was looking slightly mollified while Fin left the office to go get the required team together. “We’ll get them home Amanda.”


	13. Chapter 13

The door to the stairs slammed open, startling both men. Sonny scrambled to his feet, his heart sinking when Michael came down. Sonny motioned for Rafael to stay quiet. Rafael’s jaw tightened but he nodded, Sonny hoped he’d stay that way. 

Michael paused at the foot of the stairs looking at the bandages on Rafael. “Where did you get those.”

“Uh, your dad wanted him treated.” Sonny explained, stepping forward hoping to keep Michael’s focus on him and away from the bed. Getting back into the headspace he’d been using upstairs he’d been using before to get to Michael was more difficult after seeing what had been done to Rafael, but he knew if he could successfully manipulate Michael it would be their best shot at getting out. 

Sonny briefly thought about what Joe said, about it not being worth it, but quickly dismissed it. Those thoughts were unhelpful for getting into character. With a small smile Sonny relaxed into the character Michael wanted him to be, confident, interested, and non-threatingly dominant.

It seemed to work, Michael’s eyes raking up and down Sonny’s bare torso. He licked his lips and motioned to the chair with his gun. “Sit down.”

Sonny maintained eye contact as he obeyed, kept relaxed as Michael cuffed his hands behind his back. Didn’t hesitate to kiss back when Michael pressed his lips against his, climbing on top of his lap. He felt nauseated while Michael ran his hands over his chest down to his pants but he forced himself to arch into it like he was enjoying it. He was glad Rafael wouldn’t be able to see them from where he was bound to the bed, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep up the act with otherwise. It was bad enough Rafael would be able to hear everything, at least he was keeping quiet.

Michael paused his groping, looking frustrated. “What are you doing?”

Sonny kept a small smirk, “what do you mean? If you can’t tell then-“

Michael, who still had his hand down Sonny’s pants, squeezed. “You can act all you want but this doesn’t lie. You’re trying to pull something.”

Sonny shook his head, “I’m not. I swear I’m not.”

Michael leaned back in, pulling Sonny into a bruising kiss, his other hand kept squeezing and groping. Sonny tried to relax, tried to focus on the stimulation but it wasn’t working and Michael was getting more and more frustrated at the lack of reaction 

Michael grabbed Sonny’s throat, “Is it because of him?” Not waiting for an answer he struck Sonny across the face.

Sonny saw Michael staring at Rafael and felt panicked, “No Michael I-“

“Shh.” Michael hushed, pressing a finger to Sonny’s lips as he got off his lap “I understand. Performance anxiety right? That’s ok. I’m playing a new game now.” He turned to Rafael, “heard dad broke out the brand for you. You should feel honored, not everyone gets to wear that mark.”

“Lucky me.” Rafael replied sarcastically. Sonny’s heart sank at the look on Michael’s face.

Smirking Michael walked over to the bed, ran his hand over the gauze covering Rafael’s shoulder. “It’s a shame you won’t live long enough for the scar to develop, no one does. I’m sure it’d be quite pretty.”

“Leave him alone.” Sonny pleaded.

Michael ignored him, straddling Rafael and violently ripping off the gauze making Rafael scream in pain. Leaning back Michael examined his father’s handiwork. “Robert was the artist but Dad always did good work.”

“Michael stop! Please Michael!” Sonny pleaded again.

Michael laughed and leant over and licked up one of the cuts, rubbing his hands down the rest of Rafael’s back, Sonny could see his hands dipping lower, Rafael’s cries getting louder under the assault. “Michael ple-“

A shot rang out, cutting him off.

Shocked Sonny stared uncomprehendingly at where Michael was now slumped over, unmoving on top of a still screaming Rafael, before twisting around to see the stairs. Joe was there holding a gun. Joe placed it on the first step and walked up to Carisi.

“Eyes front.” Joe forced Sonny to look away from him. “Count out loud to thirty before you get out of that chair. Don’t drop this.” He pressed a cuff key to Carisi’s palm.

Sonny tried to twist around, “Why- What?”

“Eyes front.” Joe twisted Sonny’s head again so he was looking straight ahead. “Start counting. Don’t drop that key.” Joe clapped Sonny on the shoulder and headed back up the stairs. “I can’t hear you.”

“One. Two.” Sonny struggled to undo the cuffs without dropping the key. It took him til 15 to get the cuffs undone. He stopped bothering to count and rushed over to pull Michael’s body off of a still panicking Rafael. “You’re ok. It’s ok. Rafael, it’s ok.”

Michael’s blood was splattered all over the wall and Rafael. Sonny tried to wipe some of it off of Rafael’s face before it got into his eyes. “Rafael, look at me, it’s ok. Breathe with me.” He took deep exaggerated breaths to get Rafael to follow. 

Rafael’s breathing eventually evened out but he still looked terrified. “What happened?” He demanded, trying to twist around to look for answers. “What- what’s going on.”

“I don’t know know. Joe shot him. I don’t know why.” Sonny touched Rafael’s arms trying to get him to stop twisting, knowing he was going to just reopen the injuries on his back and hurt himself. “I’m going to undo the restraints but you can’t move too much, ok?”

Rafael nodded, focusing again on his breathing to calm down. “Is he dead?”

Sonny glanced at the body on the floor, crumpled on its side, while he worked on the cuffs. “I think so.” As he undid the last cuff he held Rafael’s hand. “I’m going to check, remember, don’t try to move, you’ll hurt yourself ok?”

Rafael nodded and let his arms relax at his sides, resisting everything inside him that wanted to ball up in the fetal position. Sonny rushed over to grab the gun from the foot of the stairs. It was one of the revolvers, loaded but with two bullets missing. The door at the top of the stairs was left open.

He moved carefully over to Michael, gun at the ready. He kicked the body over onto its back. As it flopped over it let out a low whine. Startled Sonny shot Michael again, this time through the head. The bastard was definitely dead now if he wasn’t before. 

Sonny looked to the stairs, there were no noises, no signs of anyone coming down. He turned to Rafael who was staring wide eyed at the scene, trembling lightly from the pain and shock. “Sorry, I’m sorry. He’s dead. Michael is dead.”

When Rafael nodded his understanding, Sonny turned back to the body, checking his pockets hoping to find a phone. No such luck. There was still no sound from upstairs.

“I’m going to go upstairs, look for a phone, call for help.”

Rafael shook his head, reaching out and grabbing Sonny’s wrist to keep him from going “What if it’s a trap?”

“Easy,” Sonny soothed, extracting his wrist from the other man’s grip.“I need to try to call for help. It’ll be ok. I’ll be right back. Just stay here, it’ll be ok.”

“No.” Rafael shook his head again. “If you can escape- if you can get out you should, you can call for help after-“

“No.” Sonny shook his head and squeezed the other man’s hand. “I’m not going to leave you here. I’ll be right back. I promise.”  
—

Fin looked in his rearview mirror at the grim faced team sitting in the van. They’d been driving laps through one of the inner suburbs of the city waiting for the call the two members of the Luchesse family had promised them. He was grateful Rollins was riding in an ambulance behind them, she’d been antsy all day and he didn’t need that energy right now. He understood of course, Carisi was more than just her partner, he was her best friend. He locked eyes with Benson through the mirror and gave her a solemn nod which she returned. She of course was getting the worst of it, losing one of her detectives, her best friend and ADA, and then having to deal with all the pressures of everyone who seemed to think their political interests outweighed any personal concern for the actual victims of this kidnapping.

Benson’s phone started to ring, making the guy sitting next to her jump. Fin shook his head at the rookie as she answered, putting it on speaker. Fin looked to the clock on his dashboard, 8:00pm on the dot.

“Lieutenant Benson.”

“I’m reporting shots fired at 235 Middleneck Rd.” Probably a young man, Fin thought as he tried to pick up as much as he could from the call while doing a u turn towards the address given. 

“Ok” Liv responded calmly. “Can you tell me if anyone is hurt?”

“235 Middleneck Rd. Shots fired.” the man repeated.

“Yes we’re on our way.” Liv said reassuringly “Is anyone-“

The dial tone of the hung up cut her off. She and Fin locked eyes again through the mirror. Fin stepped harder on the gas.

—

Sonny paused at the top of the stairs, peering out the doorway, the house was dark. He crept along towards the main hall, fairly certain there’d been a phone in the kitchen. He noticed that a couple of the pictures that had been in the hall were gone, empty nail holes all that were left in the wall.

Turning the corner to the main hall Sonny froze. There was a body sprawled face down on the floor in the foyer, a dark pool of blood growing underneath.

—

Fin pulled up to the mansion. It was dark, the building itself was imposing. The tac team unloaded, gathering at the far side of the van from the house to plan approach. Rollins ran up to join them, the ambulance had parked at end of the drive so as not to attract too much attention yet. He and Rollins were told to go with the bulk of the team through the front door, Liv and the rest would go around the side to the back. Nodding he and Rollins checked each others vests and prepared to enter the house.

—

Sonny approached the body, he could see the entry hole through the back of the head and could only imagine what a mess the exit wound had made of the face. Carefully he rolled it over, it was Vincent. 

—

Three… two… one… the team leader gave the signal. The two men by the door slammed their mini ram into the door slamming it open, the rest of the team swarming in

“NYPD!”

“FREEZE”

Rollins was the first to react to the scene in front of them. “Oh my god, Carisi!”

—

All of the sudden there were lights and screaming. Startled and sensorily overwhelmed Sonny dropped scrambled back away from Vincent and the noise.

“Oh my god, Carisi!”

There was a hand on his shoulder and a face in his eye-line, a face he knew. “Amanda?”

“Sonny.” She crouched down in front of him. She looked so incredibly happy and relieved. “Sonny we’re here. It’s going to be ok.”

Sonny released the grip on the gun he’d been holding at his side, let her pull him into a hug. He saw Fin examining Vincent and men running around clearing rooms with NYPD on their vests, he could smell Rollins’s shampoo, this was real. They’d been found.


	14. Chapter 14

Benson stood in the foyer of the house watching the M.E.s go over the elder Baratta's body staring at nothing and trying to get the images of the basement out of her head. 

Carisi had been determined to lead them down there, to retrieve Barba himself. She was glad she’d let him despite Rollin’s protesting that he should go with the paramedics to the ambulance.

Barba had been halfway up the stairs, terrified by the noises of the tac team and thinking something had happened to Carisi. The fact that he’d been able to get that far with what had been done to his back… Olivia swallowed thickly shaking her head to clear the image. He only really registered Carisi at first and it took a second for him to understand what he was being told; that it was over, they were safe, they’d been found. She’d taken his hand, speaking softly, reassuringly, repeating and backing up what Carisi was saying. “Liv.” he whispered brokenly, locking eyes with her for one brief moment before they rolled back and he collapsed bonelessly in her’s and Carisi’s grip; the mixture of pain, shock and relief finally overwhelming him.

The paramedics whisked Barba and Carisi away. She and Fin continued down into the basement where they found the Michael Baratta’s body. It was awful, the blood and the shackles. She knew from the blood splatter on the wall where Michael would’ve been when he was shot, understood the implications of what he had been doing in his final moments. When Fin opened the freezer and she saw the scratch marks on the inside she’d had to go back upstairs, memories of her time with Lewis threatening to resurface. 

Upstairs Rollins confirmed there was no sign of anyone else had been in the house. She’d pointed out the empty spaces and nail holes on the walls where there’d clearly been something hanging, it was a professional cleanup job. Whomever had sent those two men to her squad room wanted to make sure only Vincent and Michael were implicated in this. Wanted to make sure this case was over.

All tied up in a neat little bow, she thought angrily. She knew the long road for recovery Barba and Carisi, hell the whole squad, had ahead. This ordeal was far from over.

—

Sonny shot the nurse checking over his iv lines a betrayed glare. He was pretty certain she was the reason his eyelids were getting heavier and he was having a harder and harder time keeping his head up. 

Under the white lights in the ambulance Rafa had looked almost dead, his injuries stark against his too pale skin. He was still splattered with Michael’s blood, violently red. With the ambulance’s movements Sonny couldn’t see the rise and fall of Rafa’s chest so he'd focused entirely on the steady beat of Rafa’s heart monitor, letting the sound ground him. As long as it kept going he knew Rafa was alive, that they’d been found, that this real.

As soon as they had gotten to the hospital the paramedics had whisked Rafael away. He’d tried to follow but had been intercepted by a gaggle of nurses who guided him to a room of his own. 

He’d tried to explain he was fine, really he was practically uninjured, he was fine, he didn’t need any treatment he just needed to know what was happening to Rafael. They had smiled and agreed with him whilst simultaneously getting him into bed and hooking him up to monitors and that damn iv. It was a blur of activity; shots, prodding, flashing lights. Murmurings of “potential infections”, “minor concussion”, “dehydration”, and “shock”.

At some point in all of that someone had given him a sedative and he decided to place the blame on this last nurse as he fought it’s siren song for as long as possible. He didn’t have time to fall asleep, he needed to know how Rafael is.

The nurse smiled sweetly at him and patted his hand making him realize he had spoken out loud. “You need to rest honey. I’ll find out about your friend and let you know how he is as soon as you wake, promise.”

Unable to fight it anymore he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long! I'm in the middle of moving and updates might be sporadic for the time being. Thank you all so much for the amazing comments and for sticking with me through all of this.


	15. Chapter 15

Awareness slowly started to return to Carisi about four hours later. His mouth was dry. He could smell antiseptic. Hospital. He remembered now, he was in the hospital. He could hear the heart monitor. He’d been focusing on the heart monitor because it meant Rafael was alive. Rafael… his eyes shot open and he had to immediately close them again against the blinding white lights above his head, groaning.

A soft hand touched his arm. “Easy Carisi.You’re safe now.”

Carefully he opened his eyes so he could look at his lieutenant. They were in a private room, “Where’s Rafael?”

“He’s still in the ICU.” Benson replied gently, “He’s uhm- he’ll probably be kept there for a while.“

Carisi noted all the things she wasn’t saying from her posture, expression, the redness in her eyes. “He’s not doing well is he.”

She shook her head.“No he’s not.”

“Can I see him?”

“They’re not letting anyone see him right now.” She squeezed his arm gently. “They want to keep you here a couple days for observation.”

“I’m fine.” Carisi insisted as he struggled to sit up.

“You’re dehydrated, you have a concussion, and that bite is infected.” Benson pushed him back down and helped him with the remote to adjust the bed to a sitting position.“Carisi, its ok to not be fine.”

“I am fine though.” His head ached and felt incredibly heavy but he could ignore that.

“Ok.” Benson agreed, just to keep Carisi calm. She had more bad news for him.“The FBI is taking over the case. They’ve sent an agent who will take your statement-  
Carisi looked panicked at the thought of having to already talk to anyone, let alone a stranger about what had happened. “No, Lieu I don’t want to-“

“It’s ok.” She soothed, “He can wait until you’re out of the hospital.”

“What case is there left? Michael and Vincent are dead.” Carisi frowned, “What day is it?”

“It’s Friday. Well uhm” She checked her watch, it was almost 2 am. “It’s Saturday now.”

“Five days.” He breathed out slowly, that felt simultaneously like an impossibly short and long amount of time for what he and Rafael had just been through.

“Yeah.” Benson knew what he was thinking from her own experiences with psychopaths, “Carisi, Sonny, if you want to talk-“

“I don’t.” He cut her off.

“Ok.” She squeezed his arm again, she had expected that response but it was important to start letting Carisi know early and often that he had people who could help him come to terms with everything. 

“They didn’t- they were focused on Rafael. He made sure they stayed focused on him. They didn’t do anything to me really.”

She shook her head, “You do know that what happened to Barba doesn’t negate anything that happened to you.” Another thing to repeat for Carisi early and often. He’d been tortured, plain and simple, no matter how ‘easy’ he’d gotten off physically. She’d gotten a brief run down of Barba’s condition when she arrived at the hospital. To have been forced to sit there helpless and watch that happen… she‘d felt like she had been barely able to hold it just imagining the things that could’ve been happening to her friend and detective.

“Lieu.”

“I know, we don’t have to talk about it right now. It’s just important that you understand that, for both you and Barba.”

“Sure.” Carisi didn’t look convinced, but he was also clearly too tired to argue. “Thanks Lieu.”

“I was planning to stay here tonight, if that’s alright with you. I could wait outside or if you’d prefer someone else-“ with all the shake up that was sure to come from the death of one of the big five’s consigliere and his heir she wasn’t about to risk anything happening to her detective or best friend but she didn’t want to stress Carisi out with all the different what ifs she had currently running through her head.

Luckily she didn’t have to as he relaxed further. “No, that’s alright. I’d like you to stay.”

“Ok, try to get some more sleep.” She smiled as he gave into the stress and medication eventually nodding off. She took his hand and settled in to keep watch over her charge.

-

When Sonny woke up he was alone. It took him a few minutes to figure out where he was and remember why he was there. As he started to relax again Benson returned to his room thanking the nurse who remained outside. She looked upset. “Did she tell you about Rafael?”

She looked surprised that he was awake but she nodded, “Yeah, he’s…” She struggled with what to tell him but decided on the truth, “he’s not responding well to the treatment. He crashed a couple of times last night. But they are going to let us see him soon. She went to get you a wheelchair so you can see him.”

Carisi frowned“Why would they let us see him if he’s doing-“ realization struck him like lightning and he immediately began to shake his head, there was only one reason why they let visitors see critical patients, to say their goodbyes. “no Lieu-“

“I’m sorry Sonny.” She took a seat by his side. “He’s just… she said he’s just shutting down.”

Carisi felt irrationally angry. “So they’re just going to give up? They-“

She squeezed his hand to calm him, giving him a sympathetic look, “I don’t think its the doctors that are giving up Sonny.”

Before he could reply the nurse arrived with the wheelchair.

—

Smiling sympathetically the nurse patted Lieutenant Benson’s shoulder “Take all the time you need.” She left them at the door of Barba’s room.

After the nurse walked away Olivia wheeled Carisi by Barba’s bed. She took one look at his face and made a quick decision. “I’ll give you a minute alone.”

He barely acknowledged her as she left, leaning forward to grip Rafael’s hand. “Raf.” He looked over the other man, he looked so small and pale, it was just so incredibly wrong. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to just quit before the finish line. You- I won’t forgive you if you give up now. I won’t ever forgive you, do you hear me? I won’t-“ he forced down the anger he was feeling, “Raf please, keep fighting. We’re so close. Please.”

Maybe he was just imagining it but he could’ve sworn he felt Raf squeeze his hand.


	16. Chapter 16

Benson watched Carisi carefully. They’d been sitting next to Barba’s bed in silence for the past three hours, listening to the slow, too slow, heart monitor and hiss of the respirator. They were both trying to lend Barba strength with their presence, waiting for a sign that the doctors were wrong and both praying that there was still some fight left in her friend. She watched the slide show of emotions on Carisi's face as he ruminated on what had happened in the basement, staring at the man who lay between them. She could see something building up inside him, twisted ugly with guilt and pain, ready to erupt. 

A part of her didn’t want to know, hoped he’d hold it in. But she’d be damned if she didn’t bear witness to his torment, she would not let him be swept away when the dam finally broke.

“I raped him.”

He had whispered it but he might as well have shouted for how stunned she felt. Whatever she thought she had been preparing for it was not this. “What?”

Carisi closed his eyes but a few tears escaped, running down his cheek. “I- I couldn’t protect him. I should’ve known what to do.” He shook his head, “Michael gave Rafael a concussion so bad when he first woke up he was talking spanish to his mother and he still had the wherewithal to offer me a “blanket absolution” for whatever they’d make me do to him, so they wouldn’t kill me for being too much trouble. I couldn’t keep them away from him.”

“What happened?”

“They locked me in the freezer.” Carisi swallowed thickly, “They took turns with Rafael, against the freezer so it would move when they…” he trailed off, stared blankly at where he was clasping Barba’s hand. “He had to ‘earn’ the chance to get me out of the freezer before I ran out of air.” Benson had to look away from both of them, she hadn’t even been able to bear the sight of the freezer in the basement before, now she knew how it had been used and it was so much worse than she'd thought. “I had to earn my chance to not go back in, or they’d start over again. He tried to make it easier for me, didn't struggle, didn't make a sound, but I know I was hurting him.” Carisi suppressed a sob, Benson could see how tightly he was gripping Barba’s hand, she wondered if Barba could feel it. “He said I kept it from being worse but… I should’ve been better. I should’ve realized in his office that something was wrong. If I hadn’t been so stupid he would’ve been safe. And instead the only thing I could do to keep things from being worse is rape him.”

“Carisi” She wished she could find the right words, hell any words right now that could offer the broken man in front of her some measure of comfort, but she suspected there was only one person who Carisi’d accept them from and they were watching him slip away.

“I tried. I tried to distract Michael. Vincent didn’t give a shit about me except as another way to hurt Rafael but Michael … had a lot of issues. I thought if I could play into that I could maybe get him off balance, maybe figure out a way to escape or… I don’t know, anything. I just wanted to do something to try and keep Rafael safe. I was kissing him while I could hear Rafael downstairs screaming.” The look on Carisi’s face was pure venom but Benson knew it was all directed inward, “After all that I still fucked it up, Michael still went after Rafael because of me. If Joe hadn’t shot him he would’ve…”

Benson had realized, despite being found with the gun and with gunpowder residue on his hands it was unlikely that Carisi had been the one to kill the two men, but she was shocked he had a name for the actual shooter. “Carisi, Sonny… I know you don’t want to hear this right now but-“

“Don’t. Don’t tell me it wasn’t my fault.”

“It wasn’t.”

Carisi shook his head, ready to argue but froze, turning to Barba. “Raf?”

Benson could see his hand move, squeezing Carisi’s, if it was response to the nickname or just reflex she didn’t know. She could swear the heart monitor was going faster. She stood, going to flag down a nurse, afraid this was the start of another crash.

“Raf?” She could see another squeeze, the naked hope in Carisi’s eyes as he leaned forward, trying to get through to the other man. “Raf we’re here. We’re safe. You’re going to be ok. Just keep fighting Raf and you’re going to be ok.”

The nurse hustled in checking the monitors. “I need to go fetch the doctor.” She started to leave but Liv grabbed her arm to stop her.

“What’s going on?”

She smiled and extracted her arm so she could continue on her way, patting Liv’s hand reassuringly. “He’s waking up.”


End file.
